| reealleexx |
[26 Sep 2005|09:34pm] |
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Im so relaxed right now.
Im drinking Sweet Dreams tea, which is so good at night.
I have my cool new pjs one, which are really big..i love it.
I have no make up on so im free to rub my eyes, i know thats weird.
My tummy is full from chinese food and hot tamales.
and im almost done reading harry potter 4..im trying to get to 6 as fast as i can.
Oh and i got to see Brett tonight and I got to meet his gf. Im really happy for him, she seems really nice. Despite I envy him because he has someone to hold and love, Im still really happy for him, he deserves it.
Oh and also I have friends in all of my classes but 2, which are ceramics and i dont need friends in that class, and PE which I do but ill make some.
ok bye.
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| dammnn |
[25 Sep 2005|09:56pm] |
My confidence is really boosted right now.
I went to get my classes today.
And this girl that was in spanish class comes up to me and says "OMG jessi is that you" and im like "uuh yea" and then she goes "you look so good, i mean wow"*then she turns to friends and says*"you guys doenst jessi look so awesome" it was really nice. and then this weird guy kept following me around and i was like uhh ok.
i feel sexy.
wow i know that sounds really conceded i know. but a boost is really nice sometimes.
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| IM DONE!! |
[24 Sep 2005|01:45pm] |
OMFG!!
Yes i did it!
IM FINALLY DONE WITH MY ESSAY!!!!
THAT MEANS I CAN JUST SIT ON MY ASS AND DO NOTHING TILL MONDAY!!!!!!!!!11
W0ot!!!!!
man i rock.
btw.
my mother is idk going through metapose even though shes to young, shes sooo freaking bitchy. like she camc in my room this morning at 630 and started yeling at me...shes like "DID YOU TAKE 10 DOLLERS FROM MY WALLET!!!!!!" ok why would i take her money when i have like 50 in the bank. I dont need her money. Needless to say she thinks i took it. SHe even searched my room. Im like uuhh your a bitch fool.
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[08 Sep 2005|07:27pm] |
muahahahahha this is emilie
and im a crazy hacker!
okay. love you jessi bye.
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[29 Aug 2005|04:10pm] |
First day of school.
Damn.
Thats all i have to say.
OK so we have like 3209854932483289324 more kids and they are ALLLL freshmen!!!!!
im like holy shit!!!
and i the hallways are like soo freaking crowded. I liked sobrato way better when it was just 2 grades.
any ways.
I dont have a math teacher.
like they are in the process of hiring one.
and there are 293849 kids in it.
and then.
im the only junior in my PE class.
so the only people i know are this guy russ and ricky.
and russ is omg..such a..i cant even tell you. hes just so fjdfjsaskd
but rickys cool, hes my age, hes actually older.
any ways
blah.
nap time.
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[22 Aug 2005|07:01pm] |
Dear Mom-
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because you had a freaking horrible day at work dont go screaming around the house and taking all your fucking shit out on me. I didnt do jack shit. And dont go telling dad that ive been doing this and doing that when you know i havent. stop making up shit to get me in trouble. WhY THE FUCK DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ME??? I sit here and try to give you synpathy and help you bc you are stressed but all you do is yell at me. IM trying to fuckoing help. And you turn it down. Serioulsy you tell me that im ungrateful but..no its all you. YOU ARE SO UNFUCKING grateful for what you have. You have a loving husband. A house. A good job. 3 awesome kids who are willing to do anyhitng to make you happy. You fucking say im the one with the issues. Fuck that you do.
GOD YOUR SO FUCKING IMMATURE SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
man i feel better now.
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[22 Aug 2005|04:46pm] |
So pretty much I cant remember why i signed up for honors english.
like gah!
i hate essays.
i want to be done.
but so far all i got is...Jessi Seda
thats it.
how sad,.
afkljajie
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[21 Aug 2005|11:21am] |
So yesterday me and my dad had a bonding day. We hiked about 8 miles at the pinacles. Yes i hate hiking and it was all up hill so i pretty much hated it but in a way i liked it. I mean for once we actually got a long and were just tlaking. I mean he even was giving me a lecture about life...im like woah. Where did that come from. It was werid. But refreshing.
but today im very very sore.
like no other motha.
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[18 Aug 2005|11:02pm] |
so bitches im making this frineds only bc im tired of certian people readingt it.
kthanks.
bye.
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[18 Aug 2005|10:17pm] |
brbraljkfkjaf e
im tired.
very tired.
and sore.
very sore.
im full.
very full.
i hate a lot today.
and then i ran alot.
and now i feel sick.
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| I know i make bad choices but im a teen |
[17 Aug 2005|05:43pm] |
I know what happend last night was really lame and I shouildnt have gotten myself in that situation but thank the Lord that Micah had his phone on because if he didnt save me who knows what would have happend. I probly would of had to cal my mom or Amy or something and trust me that would have beeen really really really bad. ANd i felt so bad bc it was four in the morning and I hadnt talked to Micah in like over 6 months or more so it was werid. But in order to make it up to him he said that i have to go to church for a month. I havent decuded if that is a good thing or bad. I mean ofc course it good that I go but idk i feel like everytime im there i always find a reason for God to feel bad for me or something. I dont KNow.
Ill go.
and if it doesnt work out.
ill stop.
well i have to go, my mom is going crzy.
but on better news my dad is gone for 3 days!
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| OMFGZKSJFEW |
[16 Aug 2005|02:15pm] |
WHAT THE HELL.
I was starting to love you again.
and now what you said wasnt the truth.
Fuck you!
GAH!
your such a stupid boy.
your a hypocryt and dont care about anyone but yourself.
i hope you finally fucking realize that you always take what you have in your life for granted.
i want to let this go, i want this to go away.
but i cant because im so aggrivated with you.
ive been trying to be happy for you, that you actually hooked up with girls.
but they made you look like whore!!!!!
is that what you want????
grow the fuck up.
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[15 Aug 2005|06:39pm] |
so i want to make this friends only.
how?
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| who knows. |
[12 Aug 2005|04:00pm] |
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So last night me and my dad got into a really big fight at about 2 in the morning. It was one of those fights where he was really tired and he had been drinking before he went to bed so he was sort of not all there and didnt know what he was really saying. But anways he woke up the whole house with his loud angry voice, and for once in my life I didnt say anything...usually I talk back or yell back. BUt no last night I just stood there and took everything he said, and of course when my mom came out she stood up for him and not me because you know dont talk the daughters side. So here i have to parents yelling at me, mainly my dad, and all i could do was stand ther and just cry. After they were done chewing me out, I went to my room and lay on my floor in the dark just praying...something I havent done in ages. And well I really got to thinking...karma. Ive gotten my fair sharre of karma. I mean everything ive ever done to anyone has come back to me. Well anyways I was thinking and karma never happens to my dad. I mean hes soo mean to me and does all this shit to me and yet none of it goes back to him. I mean what the hell. But then i thought maybe im his karma, maybe im his bad thing in his life. I dont know. All i know is that i dont remember the last time where me and him actually were able to do something we both enjoyed together. And its sad becauise when people look at our family they think "what a nice family...great kids....good parents...blah" but then u step inside and its like holy shit. Its gotten so bad that Tessa is now getting yelled at. Shes 5 people. And its not just a "tessa pick up yoour toys" its a "TESSA NICHOLE SEDA YOU BEETER FRICKIN PICK UP THOSE TOYS RIGHT NOW OR IM GOING TO SPAKE YOU SO HARD..." Shes 5 what is she suppoised to do. I mean yea she forgives within 5 sec. But its just not right.
Pretty much right now both my parents really dont like me. And to tell the honest truth I dont nkow why. I cant remeber doing or saying anything that would get me in trouble. I know there has ot be a reason. But what. Last ngiht when my dad was yellin at me all he kept saying was "JESSI YOUR FUCKING RUINING YOUR LIFE, YOU JUST WASTE AWAY EVERYDAY, YOU FUCKING CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU CAN NEVER MAKE A COMMITMENT, YOU DISSAPOINT ME AND YOUR MOM EVERYDAY BECAUSE YOUR A LAZY FUCKING CHILD" what am i supposed to say to that. Sometimes I wish my dad would just hit me...i know he wants to....and it would just make everything better if he would just do it already. It probly wouldnt solve anything....but fuck!
No one will read this and thats fine. I dont expect any of you to say anything about this. And i know most of you have problems with your dads. So at least we are all on the same page. And honsely people our dads should be happy to have kids like us. I mean were not ruinng out lives. if only they could see how lucky they are. if only mine could see how lucky he is.
Reasons why my dad should be happy:
I get good grades.
Im responsible.
I change myself for him.
Im smart.
Im athletic.
Im going to go to collage.
I know ill graduate highschool.
Ive never gotten an F.
I have friends.
i mean wtf. most the kids i know are druggies, they get bad grades, they are going to central. they are idiots!!!!!! IM NOT LIKE THEM JUST BC I HANG OUT WITH THEM!!!!!!!
AFJSFKJLFFJK
lord help me.
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[11 Aug 2005|12:47pm] |
Sometimes I think im really selfsish. I mean sometiems at night ill pray to God just because I want something to go right. But whats messed about that is, i never pray anymore. I dont even look at the bible anymore. I mean if i went to church again I would be a complete stranger. I would go to church, really I would but my soccer gets in the way. I know thats not a good excuse but im sure God will understand...if i prayed at home more. Another reason why I think im selfish is because when I found out about my gram, i was very upset, and i expected all my friends to be there for me but the truth is i cant expect that much from them. I mean they have their own lives and own issues. They should be sitting around me holding my hand and telling me everything is ok when in the back of their minds they are saying "why am i sitting here? i have so many more issues in my own life that i need to deal with." And thats fine becusae i understand, i probly have that thought going throuhg my head all the time when im trying to help out someone in a time of need. I just think what i need right now, is i need to put my trust in what God has set out for me. Yea hes not going to make things easy for me because how will that help me in the end? But what i need to keep in mind is that I know things are going to get hard but I just need to keep my head up and say "well God has a plan and need to just bite my lip and get over this bump in the road."
wow.
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| and its all downhill from here... |
[09 Aug 2005|09:31pm] |
Wow.
Today has been nothing but shit.
I found out today that my grandma has cushins. Its this disease, and i wish i could explain it to you but i cant. See everything would be ok, because it might be treatable. But the chances are its not. My grandma has a lot wrong with her, shes diabetic, she has a bad heart, and she now has cushins. the docter says the cause of it is the medication she is on, but she needs to take that medication or she can die. Well no matter what, no one knows how long she has. If radiation therapy doesnt help there is a really slim chance she can live more than a few months. I cant see her go. Like you guys have no idea. Shes the type of gram that holds the fam together without here whats left. I mean how many grams do you know were able to have 13 children and 26 grandchildren and remeber al their b-days. There hasnt been a b-day where she hasnt sent a card. Im so upset. And no one is hre for me right now.
Oh and alos my dad. He was so mean to me today. AFter soccer he just kept telling me that i cant do anything right. and no matter what i do im always going to be a slacker and never get any where in life.....and you want to know why he said this to me????? Because i didnt fucking do the dishes!!!!!
i really want to get out.
i want someone to talk to, but i know if i talk to someone i wont feel comfortable.
i need to get out.
but i have no where to go.
suckkkyyyyy
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| can i be anymore emo? |
[09 Aug 2005|03:13pm] |
So im home alone. Watching this love sappy movie where everyone in the end gets married and lives happily ever after. Im eating cookies, and listening to the spill canvas where all they sing about is wanting to be with the one they love.
grr..
i hate be alone but i always fuck up every relationship.
there better be hot juniors next year.
yea...
dsfkekjaf eakfjds ieajkljds fieawiefj
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[08 Aug 2005|11:03pm] |
duddeee.
so chillin at the community park at 10 at night and your high on redbull and ice cream is the shit.
despite how cold it is.
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[08 Aug 2005|09:20am] |
i just had to let everyone know that i just sneezed about 5 times in a row.
wow.
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[07 Aug 2005|01:51am] |
its late.
im tired.
my friends for so reason snuck out to see me, so i must go see them.
why?
i have to get up in 7 hours.
i dont want to.
grrr..
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